.. AWWW touched for the very first time ..
That could be the story of my life.
Let's face a fact, i am no Virgin, in any sense, even though this is Not your bloody business it needed to be said. Dont get pissed off 'cause i'm swearing, sweetie!! it's a natural ( but bad) habit.. And unfortunately for you, my dear reader, wherever you are and whoever you might be, things are often immutable or maybe not things but at least personalities. I do not believe in folks' ability for changement.
That's probably why I came back here, let's also face the ability of that someone to make me do things I am reluctant about, to deal with you and with him and with her about my life.
However, I come here like a virgin, honestly, i'm and still trying to figure out my life and i just wanna erase the past. Some mistakes, some huge mistakes, a lot of regrets, all of that happened and made me who I am today. But it is Time my dear Reader... It is The time.
Thanks to my past and probably my mistakes I did discover amazing things, like some amazing people( A.P.R my soul sister in particular) . I also did rediscover that strength that I believed was lost forever and ever.
More than a year passed since the last time I wrote here and Yet I do not feel like it is different. I know it isnt.
I know you, yes You, that you were expecting some funny notes and some childish enjoyment about that new possibilities about that open window on my cold heart. But Dontcha think it is quite astonishing that i am writing with that stone heart? I am ALL Open ready to give up any of my barriers to speak to you and the others, to give myself completely. Did you expect it? Do not lie to yourself I know you didn't !
I am sure you thought, like probably 99% of the folks I know that I would be speaking about some interesting topics like hummm how can the snails changes their sexes so easily? why do the Human beings can't? why Life is that unfair? and anyway how can we say we are really living? are we really living???if i am living why can't I just do whatever I want? and what if i wanna fly? and what if I wanna wear a pink scarf?
But as you surely know, I am not only that perky boy , smiling to life all the time ( okie I do it maybe 99% of the time but that isNot my point so Focus! Bitch) and just living with my natural naivety.
Being Perky is a kind of natural statement for me, and I know that I am not the smartest person ever, and I also know that what I am usually saying is probably superficial crap but still, as Greeky said once
" I usually think you're completely blond ( understand "stupid" here yeah i know that's being blondophobe but what can I do? and who are you to judge that being stupid is bad anyway??) and then sometimes coming out from nowhere you say the smartest thing ever and then I'm just all confused about if you're just playing a role or if you're really dum most of the time and you just have a that " genius moment".
Well, I could answer to Greeky that I am never playing a role ( okie except if you invite me to some party and i do not know anybody then .. but it's different dont mix me up !!) I might be what my sister call a" BIMBOy" cause yes i'm genuinely happy, always in a good mood, I like fashion, i like celibrities i love to watch crap on tv and i can cry for the same movie several times in a row( yes yes) but you know i am not JUST THAT, as much as a geek is not only a geek, as a blond girl isnt just a blond girl, i am more than a bimboy ! I can also wonder about ..What is it really worth to be called life? and are most of the people living a real life? does being superficial make you less inclined to live a real life? and anyway who could judge it ? should we feel guilty about being who we are, and doing what we do when we objectively know that children are starving that women are being opressed, that gays are being murdered just right now while I Am speaking to you?
This is not a statement of belief.
This is just my lonely neurona trying to figure out what is up here, what are we supposed to do , where are we supposed to go?
Like a real Virgin and Proud to be, My soul IS pure and I still believe and i still have faith in the world, in the people, in the nature, in Love.