.. Et les prendre est d'autant plus compliqué que leurs conséquences peut être dramatique.
j'ai toujours été d'une nature indécise et je m'en suis accomodé au fil des années. Cependant chaque petite decision a prendre me force a me remettre en question .. et ces questions vont des plus importantes du genre " ou vais je vivre? que faire de ma vie?" aux plus banales telles que " je mange quoi la desuite? j'ai envie de prendre ce truc ou celui ci".
J'ai appris avec le temps que je devais me fier a mon instinct le plus souvent.. Voui, a chaque fois que je m'offre ou decide quelquechose apres une tres longue reflexion et que je finis par me ranger du coté raisonnable ( j'aime a me croire raisonnable hein) et bien je le regrette toujours.
Mais Parfois... Il faut prendre des décisions.
Il le faut pour notre bien, pour notre avenir, pour tous ceux qui nous entourent aussi.
Ma naine a finalement choisit de prendre cette decision de vie, de repartir sur le caillou , de faire sa vie. Bien sur je suis heureux pour elle, je la connais bien ma naine et je sais que son choix est avant tout un choix reflechi meme si il ya d'autres choses qui font qu'elle compte repartir. Mais je l'ai envié. Je sais l'envie c'est pas bien. Mais je ne l'ai pas jalousé ou rien juste pendant une minute j'etais vraiment heureux pour elle parcequ'elle merite d'etre heureuse et que je sais qu'elle le sera labas mais la deuxieme minute je me suis dis diantre moi je n'ai rien fait encore de ma vie.
Avez vous remarqué comem facebook nous renvoie quand meme une sale image de nous meme?? Je veux dire vous voyez ces amis qui voyagent tout partout, qui trouvent du boulot des le 1er entretien , qui font des mioches etc etc.. SOIT je suis aussi heureux pour eux .. c'est dans ma nature d'etre heureux pour les autres ... mais quand meme au bout d'un moment ça pese quand meme.
Mais donc j'ai 25 ans maintenant et j'ai l'impression que je suis a un tournant de ma vie et je ne sais pas trop quelle voie choisir. J'envie parfois ceux qui savent ce qu'ils veulent faire dés leur enfance, qui ont des reves, qui font pareil que leurs parents ( ahah et ça j'en connais des tonnes) ..
Mais moi j'aspire a plus. Non je ne veux pas revenir vivre en sarkozie, ce pays ou les gens ne comprennent rien a rien, votent pour n'importe qui et se comporte le plus souvent en vrais egoistes .. non je ne veux pas retourner sur le caillou non plus .. et non je ne pense pas rester en suede non plus .. Je ne sais pas ou le vent va me porter et j'ose croire que j'y serais heureux ! Aprés tout je suis quelqu'un de bien donc je ne vois pas pourquoi ça devrait aller mal..
Et l'amour dans tout ça ? les choix en amour ne sont pas tres compliqués je trouve .. soit t'aimes soit t'aimes pas.. si tu te poses des questions ... c'est que tu n'aimes pas ! c'est aussi simple que ça .. les choix liés a l'amour sont quant a eux corneliens .. et c'est rien de le dire.. dois tu rester toi meme? dois tu changer pour l'autre? doit tu tout accepter? ou sont les limites? doit tu partir pour le suivre? doit tu te brimer toi ou ta carrieres ou tes aspirations pour la personne aimée?
ahlala swedish girls ;)
ahalalala swedish guys !!
who could resist that blond tall folks?? usually quite fit with that bright shiny teeth ..
Ken and barbie in a barbie's world ! Even tho i found that picture online, i Could honestly tell you that i see that kind of girls quite everyday .. No discussion about that !
I won't keep on going with their psychotic issues with being healthy( and looking superficially fake) !
Because I'm here to chat about another topic..
All over the world we can buy stuff from swedish fashion industries.. like h/M, but also Tiger and Acné.. Even tho we would all admit that this isn't high fashion it remains that these brands are quite popular.
PLUS I would never deny that the price is attractive ( even I spend tons of kronor in h/m and stuff) however I tend to mix my clothes and have my personal style. But we are not here to speak about me and I shldnt even start to justify myself in previsions of being attacked by nationalist swe jerks..
My problem here is I guess related to the " lagom" concept.. this concept is more of a social/psycho concept than a fashion one though. It Basically means that you're as good as anyone else but that you have to be humble and modest (Something that the swedes forgot to be with time passing). Anyway, this concept kinda adapted itself to the behavior and the fashion. In Sweden (the most boring place in the world according to the swedes themselves (and some foreigners haha)) the hidden rule is "be like everyone else", this means that if the mode is about having fake platinium hair, YOu will have to have that ! But not because everyone has it, just because "you" think is nice ! ( yeah the swedes don't have the ability to think by themselves.. nor are able to recognize it).
And then you end up dating clones. I do remember my ex, he was cute and stuff but fashion??? nah.. i couldn't distinguish him from other swedes when i was looking at the backs .. and believe me it's quite a ill at ease moment to notice that you almost grab an ass and it wasn't yours !!! hum ( yeah i don't kiss with an audience but i easily grab asses !!beware !!)
And so, on streets, you will see exactly the same fashion than on shops ( earrings included for girls and hats included for guys). Like I Mean, my BFF " apr" does buy a lot in h/m, gina tricot and cie, However she always end up looking glam and sexy ! matters of knowing how to wear clothes and having a style of fashion.So she never ends up being clothed like that ===>
the lack of fashion sense.. that's what bothers me here.
i'm showing you examples for females but it is like worst for guys or almost.
But then, even tho they are dressed like geeks and losers they would keep thinking that they're fashion.. simply incredible and pathos..
Because some of them try to be original .. but then it just turns out to be quite burlesque..
and so you can admire people wearing that kind of stuff .. very rainbowesque too ..
and for guys when you don't see a clonesque Ken (very similar to the other twentyfive thousands others) you gonna be able to look at the second tendance here..
the nerdy Britishish kinda look ..
very 80's.. very ugly.. actually quite ashaming..
it is a kind of ..like...a coco chanel's mantra.. the bigger the glasses are the more you'll have a small head ... and the more u'll look like a fly too .. and then u just feel that you might have walked on a doggypoo ( but now you remember you're not in southern europe) and so you just start to wonder what is ( or isnt) up there in their brains..
I do think that someone should teach them what is called being soberly dressed ..(empathize on soberly)
But there is a sure point !! no cremation for me .. For fuck sake i'm not a jew trying to escape A*******z ! ( for tight asses i have a very dark humour and if you're reading it it means you're not look for anything politically correct anyway).. I mean i know my parents for ex wanna be cremated... and put both ashes in the same container.. i mean okie i don't mind it ! and it's a personal choice ! and I honestly still think that it is way better than just "spread it with the wind" <=== romantic?? nahhh gross !
Imagine I die tomorrow .. like smashed by a bus, or pealed off by a serial killer or who knows ! well how the people I know would know that? would someone go on my facebook and post it as a status" Cass G. is today dead. He didnt survived the overdose of chocolate" .. and who would take care of my body here? oh my god !
I tend to think that we can all die like tomorrow (or this afternoon) but how many of us have already planned their after death? Daya think it is kinda morbid? In what age should we consider writing our last will and testament?
I didn't .. I mean i already told some people that if someday something happens all the important names are in the blue book !! yeah yeah that's the only blue thing in my place ( all the rest is pink haha) so find it and u'll know who to call and u'll have all my passwords and stuff for everything lol
OH FUNNY !!! if I die, please someone go to my facebook and other pages and play the ghost !! like " Cass g. is dead but still alive MUAHAHAH His spirit is in this chatroom " !! would be so funny !
What the hell will this article be dealing with?
hehe <== psychedelic laughing
If you knew me, and actually most of you don't.. you would be on my facebook and you would have been wondering about what i was "gonna do" today !!
I mean, not all of you would be able to guess it as a daily contact with me is quite necessary in order to guess it, however Davinette, l'a deviné lui !!
YEAH yeah yeah .. i'm quite all over the internet and that's a geeky part of my personality ;) i always liked to meet new people from all over the world ! having like philosophical convos with mongolians, sociological interests on the americans ...
Internet is, like probably for most of you too, a joy , a pleasure , something that one couldnt be living without.
Frankly, my life is all depending on it. I do pay my bills, speak to my family, to my friends, read news, watch tv, find my recipes ...
But there is something I rarely do.. meeting people online.
I do speak with quite a few folks and some of them I will meet them , it's a matter of time and context... however this isnt the case for all the rest..
Plenty of guys i am speaking with , will never see my face. Or so to speak in" real life" as I usually show my pictures online.
Do you see the link between my title the main picture and what I am saying?? obviously not .. geez my readers are losers ..
yeah "we got the readers we deserve" and FU very much for that splendid and Oh so useful observation !!
You know what one of my favorite movie is?? ( yeah my sis wld tell you " erin brockovich and she would be right) so okie my second favorite movie? ex aequo with like a dozen others.. "you've got mail"!!
So, do you see the link with the first picture? still not .. Gosh dear reader.. YOU OBViously do not even do the minimum of your job.. read my mind !
I do believe in destiny !! and this is the link !
I tend to think that in real life, as online, there are people that whatever you would do, you will keep finding them on your path.
It happened and will keep happening. AND to be honest it did happen to me lately.
But so to come back to my first point, sometimes you MUST meet some people. Because they have that lil something that you might be interested in, because they're special for you .. and for a lot of other reasons.
Or simply because you feel something could happen and you have to check it.
I always hate to meet people because first : you can be disappointed.
2nd : they can be disappointed on you
3rd : to me, you need to know the person a lil bit in order to know already if u share common values and interests and some people just won't let you the time for it.
And then, you have to face them, sometimes it just goes wrong , the guy can just leave after 5 mns( it happened), will nt show up ( it happened) will behave like a snob asshole ( it happened), but sometimes you can have amazing meetings..
Leading to amazing friendships, leading to great relationships too.
I am looking for one of those, for the one that would make my heart melt. Of course, it is tricky, first you will have to make me interested online, show me that you really wanna commit and that can last months ( !!) NB avoid speaking about all the guys you keep meeting .. THIS ISNT THE KEY !!!
And once you convinced me and you still wanna meet and we have built something online then I would meet you and probably enjoy it !
But sometimes ... like RARELY..
I don't follow my plans .. a personality.. a way of explaining things.. a way of dealing with me.. and THE most important, a way of finding exactly what to say to make my skepticism go away.And then , I have to meet, i have to force myself because someone able to convince me online DESERVES this right.
After all .. a real meeting is the least we can do nah?
Wherever I am and No matter what I tell myself .. I keep being confused about my own self.
I have zillions of flaws and even tho I tend to think that people like me for my flaws ( I mean for what else?) I am quite puzzled by this statement.
I mean i'm over talkative, I tend to be quite terrible..
and Oddly, and according to quite a few people .. Rude.
Being Rude has been one of my worst fear.. I always tried to adapt myself to the folks, to the country, to the culture.. and you know dear reader how much I have traveled !
And Yet, People always kept telling me I was rude .. mostly because I was French .. let's empathize on the weight of stereotypes.. because even the people that hate that you apply such things on them, actually do apply them on you.
So the other night, we Had a biiiiig discussion ( okie let's say argument) on calling one's friends names.. okie okie okie
I am guilty !
When I love someone I will a wide range of very funny and creative names, and they can happen to be lil bit offending at times.
so it goes from sweetie, queenie, lil pie, to bitch, hoe, sugar pussy ..
What happened is that I offended a friend. I know and she said it that coming from me it wasn't really an insult or anything, or so she didn't take it that way. HOWEVER, I got very offended to be qualified as rude( again).
So many things, folks do in general and in front of me are just plain rude to me !! Do I ever comment? Do I ever complain ? or criticize? Or even dare say something about it?
I always try to be fair and open minded.. I know I can speak up way too much and I have very broad limits( and almost no taboos) but it's also in my personality to be a lil bit provocative ;)
And so I always respected differences, sexual, educational , cultural ... or tried to.. But Now, I've kinda reached my limits.
The american by being hores and in the same tight asses.
The swedes by spliting all around and having no right behavior when it comes to the table's pleasures.
The french by pretending to be over judgmental and never do what they expect the others to do.
That night, I ended up defending all the sluts in the world, because YES, who are we to judge them? Who said "slut" wld be a bad word? arent women free to do whatever they want? to have sex as much as they want? with whoever they want? So why being slutty would be considered as an insult? Why are they judging?
I am rarely upset but this " rude " comment, mostly comming from the swedes, just piss me off. That's like if only They knew how to behave and as long as you do not do like them it is wrong..
And if only they were judging only in sweden but No .. I remember that Swedish untolerant woman writing on her blog about her french husband ( of course writing in swedish in case he would like to know what she writes) and criticizing him for eating nutella and then critizing every french for running not the right way for eating sugar and blabla ..
Doesn't she know that the french have almost the same rate of obesity as the swedes? that they actually live longer and THAT they're happier ( let's remember that sweden has one of the hight suicide's rate)...
ARGH just by writing about it .. i'm getting angry ... I am like " rack off bitch who are you to judge me?" who??
...det går jag på !
Ingenting du gör nu kan jag förstå...
Så lyssna vad jag säger bara som det är NU och Här !
Mitt ex, faktiskt berättade mig att den här låten verkligen var jag. (Bra han sa också att om "if i was a punk rocker") men jag håller på båda.
Som punkrockare sång, jag är en slags nostalgisk personlighet .. Jag bor med beklagar men jag är en evig optimist! Jag älskar livet och försöker få ut det bästa av det!
Innen som "Ingenting du säger" jag är också en smärta i röven, jag är envis och jag är en slags kinda kontroll freak . Jag är en sann "Worrying Kind" och så mitt mål i livet är att undvika att bli orolig. Jag vet att människor inte får det oftast, men vad kan jag göra?
oke Jag kanske ska hålla på engelska eftersom min svenska är inte perfekt och jag har inte så många svenska läsare något mer haha.
...and sit behind the desk would tell ya Lene.
And in a lot of ways , she would be totally right !! I mean since i'm living in Sweden I have been quite amazed by the swedish behavior and the fear of boredom or worst "being boring".
Let's face a fact, before anything else, the swedes are one of the most boring nation ever.
Truly !! You should honestly believe me ! Whoever they appear to be abroad, it ISNT what they are really. Abroad they are nice, friendly and even appear to be open minded... I can so imagine some patriotic swedes coming here and criticizing anything I could be speaking about ! like they have one of the higher living ranks blablablABLALALA !!! it is just songs to my ears .. I am here, i'm objective and always have been.
I read that article when i moved to sweden, and the swedish author Helena Frith-Powell , just describe everything in a so accurate way that it is impossible to not face these facts. ANYONE that lived in sweden for enough time, that faced the swedish culture, and the swedes in general ( living there without meeting any swede is very easy !!) wld agree with that... if they have just an inche of objectivity.
However, a contrario of the author, I would never blame it on the weather.. The Norwegians are not boring, the Finns either.. and the weather conditions arent that great there..
My problem here is that people are by nature so boring that they try their best to not sound/look/be boring.. which makes anything they do too obvious, too patho, too much in every way.
Being Boring here is like having the malaria..
The worst part is that you, dear foreigner, or even the few swedes that wld be reading, NEED To behave right !! and behaving right is behaving like the majority.. the notion of " lagom" is very very VERYY VERYYYYY important in sweden( this notion could be described as a kind of humility, modesty in other words, " be exactly like ur neighbor") . Even tho, to be honest, this notion is disappearing.. Mostly because they all soooo try to look alike, to do everything as everyone.. like going to thailand, getting drunk on fridays, drinkin a glass of wine while smoking a cigarette ( because this ISNT considered as boring). they all love to watch melodifestivalen and drink beer while going at an ice hockey game. Boring you said Boring? I say Killing..
and if you ever speak about to a swede ( like a rl swede that never lived abroad.. cause I know very open minded swedes ! ( but oddly they all lived abroad for a while ..) they would think that you're just a foreigner that shouldnt live here if you dont appreciated what sweden has to offer..
The worst being that there are good things in this country, the amazing landscapes, the cute snow falls, their ability to be polite whatever happens.. I just wished the swedes would be as they appear to be abroad.
.. AWWW touched for the very first time ..
That could be the story of my life.
Let's face a fact, i am no Virgin, in any sense, even though this is Not your bloody business it needed to be said. Dont get pissed off 'cause i'm swearing, sweetie!! it's a natural ( but bad) habit.. And unfortunately for you, my dear reader, wherever you are and whoever you might be, things are often immutable or maybe not things but at least personalities. I do not believe in folks' ability for changement.
That's probably why I came back here, let's also face the ability of that someone to make me do things I am reluctant about, to deal with you and with him and with her about my life.
However, I come here like a virgin, honestly, i'm and still trying to figure out my life and i just wanna erase the past. Some mistakes, some huge mistakes, a lot of regrets, all of that happened and made me who I am today. But it is Time my dear Reader... It is The time.
Thanks to my past and probably my mistakes I did discover amazing things, like some amazing people( A.P.R my soul sister in particular) . I also did rediscover that strength that I believed was lost forever and ever.
More than a year passed since the last time I wrote here and Yet I do not feel like it is different. I know it isnt.
I know you, yes You, that you were expecting some funny notes and some childish enjoyment about that new possibilities about that open window on my cold heart. But Dontcha think it is quite astonishing that i am writing with that stone heart? I am ALL Open ready to give up any of my barriers to speak to you and the others, to give myself completely. Did you expect it? Do not lie to yourself I know you didn't !
I am sure you thought, like probably 99% of the folks I know that I would be speaking about some interesting topics like hummm how can the snails changes their sexes so easily? why do the Human beings can't? why Life is that unfair? and anyway how can we say we are really living? are we really living???if i am living why can't I just do whatever I want? and what if i wanna fly? and what if I wanna wear a pink scarf?
But as you surely know, I am not only that perky boy , smiling to life all the time ( okie I do it maybe 99% of the time but that isNot my point so Focus! Bitch) and just living with my natural naivety.
Being Perky is a kind of natural statement for me, and I know that I am not the smartest person ever, and I also know that what I am usually saying is probably superficial crap but still, as Greeky said once
" I usually think you're completely blond ( understand "stupid" here yeah i know that's being blondophobe but what can I do? and who are you to judge that being stupid is bad anyway??) and then sometimes coming out from nowhere you say the smartest thing ever and then I'm just all confused about if you're just playing a role or if you're really dum most of the time and you just have a that " genius moment".
Well, I could answer to Greeky that I am never playing a role ( okie except if you invite me to some party and i do not know anybody then .. but it's different dont mix me up !!) I might be what my sister call a" BIMBOy" cause yes i'm genuinely happy, always in a good mood, I like fashion, i like celibrities i love to watch crap on tv and i can cry for the same movie several times in a row( yes yes) but you know i am not JUST THAT, as much as a geek is not only a geek, as a blond girl isnt just a blond girl, i am more than a bimboy ! I can also wonder about ..What is it really worth to be called life? and are most of the people living a real life? does being superficial make you less inclined to live a real life? and anyway who could judge it ? should we feel guilty about being who we are, and doing what we do when we objectively know that children are starving that women are being opressed, that gays are being murdered just right now while I Am speaking to you?
This is not a statement of belief.
This is just my lonely neurona trying to figure out what is up here, what are we supposed to do , where are we supposed to go?
Like a real Virgin and Proud to be, My soul IS pure and I still believe and i still have faith in the world, in the people, in the nature, in Love.