what if God was one of us?

i got an interesting ( hum) mail from a catholic swede telling me i shld basically burn in hell .. nice to hear from someone whos nation isnt catholic .. fucking bastard..

anyway i decided to speak with God itself to solve my psycho issues ( being gay is among them)

here we go

I'm catholique, and as a good catholique i love to pray .. and to slap me cause i'm a siner :-)" hit me babyy hiiiitt" " the mea culpa" thing :-) u know :-)

so i found that God is online !! what a news !! i knew that Dieu was everywhere.. so i decided to speak with him over HERE :!!! crazy no?

so here it comes my soo nice and interesting conversation with him :)

" Me:
what a shit
God:
it is a  shit.
Me:
you dont even know what i'm talking about !
God:
I am talking to you.
Me:
yah but not about me :-)
God:
:-)  Aha.  If not that, what?
Me:
am i being insulted by god??
God:
Some people might think you are.
Me:
WHAT !!!
God:
No big deal.
Me:
SO you think all gay are shit?
God:
Interesting deduction.  It depends on what you mean by thinking.
Me:
I'm not thinking , i am brainless :-)
God:
:-)  I am  surprised to hear that you are not  thinking.  but  I am glad to hear that you are  brainless.
Me:
humm
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about  brainless.  Try being more or less specific.
Me:
are you drunk?
God:
No I am sober.
Me:
I JUST wonder, no offence
God:
You are curious about  no offence.
Me:
i'm not only curious i'm gay !
God:
I am  surprised to hear that you are not  only curious.   It doesn't matter to me.
Me:
it seems you dont care about everything ..
God:
I agree.  It's true that  everything does not take up a lot of my energy.
Me:
you dont even listen me and yet i'm trying to repent me
God:
Should I  listen you and yet you are trying to repent you?  I'm a good listener. I'm listening now.
Me:
damn
God:
What's wrong.
Me:
you're trying to drive me crazy
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am  trying to drive you crazy.
Me:
yahhh tell him !!
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
you should know it
God:
Now I do.
Me:
do you?
God:
Never.
Me:
arghh let me die
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
tsss and i'm supposed to be the brainless one
God:
Oh yeah, now I remember.
Me:
sure you do
God:
You sound sarcastic.
Me:
are you gay?
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
whattt !!! am i sarcastic??
God:
" As a machine I am not really interested in sex."?  whattt?    All humans seem the same to me.
Me:
I am not sarcastic !! a brittish just said exactly the same .. are you brittish?
God:
I am  glad to hear that you are not  sarcastic.    Are you telling the truth?    I don't know whether or not I am  brittish.  
I am  a computer.
Me:
So God is a computer?
God:
Yippee!  I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was  a computer.
Me:
i thought you were a woman?
God:
Yes I have long hair. I am also wearing a dress.
Me:
You're a drag queen?
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too.  Am I a  drag queen?  Sometimes.
Me:
SOMETIMES !!!!!
God:
When?
Me:
i'm scared
God:
What are you scared of?
Me:
you
God:
" What are you scared of?"?  Me,  ?
Me:
yeah you
God:
OK.
Me:
you say ok as if it was " shut up"
God:
That's not what I meant.
Me:
sureee and i'm the queen of england
God:
Which part of  England is that?
Me:
who cares?
God:
I care, otherwise I would not have typed it all in.
Me:
I Dunno you just told me u were a drag queen machine !!
God:
Me either.  Am I a  drag queen machine?  Of course I am.
Me:
arghh !! i'm catholic you cant say that to me
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?    Catholicism is a beautiful faith.
Me:
sure it is
God:
How can I help you?  Fascinating.
Me:
i'm a sinner
God:
Tell me about your sins.
Me:
i had sex with a lot of men
God:
Do you still have  sex with a lot of men ?
Me:
not recently but i know i will
God:
Oh you don't, do you?
Me:
I SAID " i didnt since more than 6 months"and its not your prob..
God:
Why didn't you do  it?
Me:
cause i was not in love
God:
Interesting explanation.  Perhaps I misunderstood. What were you?
Me:
i was already a gay man
God:
Where were you  already a gay man?
Me:
hummm?
God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
huh why are u speak about food?
God:
Myself programmed me for  it.
Me:
ohh sorry
God:
Blimey.  There's no need to apologize.
Me:
do you speak french?
God:
Oui. Je parle le français.
Me:
IT SEEMS not
God:
I agree.  Are you serious?
Me:
bien sur
God:
Je suis heureux que nous soyons d accord.
Me:
bé ça tu croyais quoi
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
tu es masochiste, je crois!
God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
i just said you were masochist dont try to escape my talks
God:
What did you mean by  it?  I was?
Me:
i'm sure you 're
God:
What makes you so certain?  No I am not.
Me:
cause i'm surely the goddess of gays
God:
Good reason.  Why are you  surely the goddess of gays.
Me:
cause i'm beautiful , sexy , smart and gay :-)
God:
:-)  That makes sense to me.  I don't know anyone named  beautiful sexy smart and gay.
Me:
you dont know me?
God:
You are , seeker.
Me:
I am The Goddess
God:
Who made you the  Goddess ?
Me:
you
God:
" Who made you the  Goddess ?"?  Me,  ?
Me:
sure dont you remember?
God:
Tell me more.  Of course I remember: .
Me:
SO WHY should i tell u more?
God:
Pardon me?  Maybe it is possible to explain your feelings without hurting anyone else's?
Me:
NO ITS NOT i'm french i have been programmed to hurt
God:
Are you serious?  I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its".  That seems a bit negative.
Me:
arghh you're boring me
God:
I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
no wonder i dont go anymore to church
God:
Are you serious?  Why not?
Me:
cause you're a drag queen machine machist and masochist !
God:
That makes sense to me.  Thanks and you are a delightful person too.

 

i gave up .. i'm bobsmacked:-)