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29/09/2006

Am I a victim?

yes ... but no :-)

 

a lot of my friends or people i'm talking with.. have told me something like " u still wanna be a victim" ..

but do i really want it??

surely not..

sure i do use often the " its not my faultttt" " yes everyone is against me" .. but actually its only the truth :-) yes sure i do like to explain and express my bad mood ..  its just that i feel often submerged by everything... so yes in that moment i need to explode and i dont understand why all the hardest things are for me..

hey i'm nice adorable beautiful and smart ( and modest sometimes before sleeping) so why wld i worth the worst?

i didnt deserve it !!

maybe Dieu ( God) is doing it only to force me to be less lazy.. to express my real personnality, to show my real face.. but what if i dont want ??

do people have to know if u're weak or not?? sure not ..

the best is to be protected.. as they know u're kind they try to abuse it..

but in a way maybe its because i am me that things are worst for me.. maybe if i was more kind or i dunno more someone else it wld be easier.. and i wont be saying " c'est pas ma faute" .. ahah or maybe i just have psycho probs :-) lol who knows?

only the virgin Marie know it .. 

but then maybe its related to my non lucky personnality .. if something bad has to happen it will be for me..u can be sure of it .. when i do explain my stuff and memories, people most of time think i'm lying , but i have no reason to lie .. and the day it happens in front of them they do realize i'm really unlucky ..  

so maybe i'm a victim..but ... THIS IS STILL NO MY FAULT !

 

Commentaires

hey
yeah sure, it's never ur fault...
u need to explode?? never saw u like this... r maybe u don"t show it to me lol
maybe u don't show ur real personnality enough... maybe u built a wall to protect urself and to look strong and intouchable (u sure did very very well on that) but hey, that's for the best... the world is a crual place to leave! but as u said, the most important thing is to be able to let go off this wall and those "facades" with the ones who care for u, and who u love most... this is the secret of being strong in front of others and in front of life!
about the psycho things, I know rotfl!!!! (if not me, who does ?? hehe, not the one who said it)
and btw, the end of ur article makes me think of mr marcais (the philosophy teacher i told u about lol ) Dieu vous punira (God will curse u)!!!! ptdrrr
anyway, what's so disturbing in being pierre richard ?? i like that lol

xxx
ps: love the foto... envers et contre tous lol

Écrit par : Julien | 29/09/2006

nahhh j'ai pas besoin d'exploser meme si mon blog me sert en qqe sorte d'echappatoir..
je ne crois pas que les gens montrent aussi leurs vraies personnalités :-) je pense qu'on est tous mega faux lol
yes je suis INTOUCHABLE

jag ÄR EVIGHETTTTTTTTTTTT!!
lalalala

mr marcais le pauv avec un nom comme ça lol et voui Gode is everywhere lol tu savais pas?LOL

Écrit par : cervelle hachée | 29/09/2006

Cyril,

Your words in this article has greatly touched my heart. I wish I knew you better to be able to comment on all of the things that you say. However, not really knowing you, I will comment on those I do feel I must...:

I know what it is like to feel like a victim. I sometimes feel like a victim of my studies, a victim of my friends and family. A victim of society... Do you know how much I love to blame the world and people around me for being victimized? I love to do it... It makes me feel better. However, a mon a vis, I have come to realize that we are often victims to none but ourselves. How the world treats us is often directly linked to how we treat ourselves, or more importantly, how we allow ourselves to be treated.

In my life I have experienced so much pain. To never have been loved before. To have been told by people soooooooo close to you that you are unattractive, missirable, irritated, unfriendly. Sometimes I got as far to believe this horse shit! Whenever life treated me wrong in the past, I tented to turn my back, but still feel the pain inside. The time has come to stand up and fight back.

In my almost 22 years of existence I have withheld from myself the joy of living, of being alive. For one I only focussed on the bad things in my life and tented to overlook the others. In a way, I too have build this wall around me, act as if I don't care. Act as if this world cannot hurt me. Act as if I'm ok. But deep down, my soul was bleeding and my heart was aching... I often still feel this pain.

And I agree with Julien that it is only when you open up, breaking down this wall and giving more of yourself, that one realize that this world is after all not as bad as you think. That you are in fact not a victim of it. That you are only a victim to yourself...

Now Cyril, I have known you for a couple of months now. From what I have seen you are a very sweet and attractive young man who has made a difference in my life and I'm sure in the lives of others as well. You have something to offer this world, I know this. Do not hide it behind a wall. Give more of yourself to those who can appreciate you, and for sure, if the world treats you wrong, make sure you try to find the best in it, for sometimes we allow ourselves to get hurt.

P.S. Related to this topic is my own post on 'sometimes I make mistakes', please feel free to read it at http://livinglifemyway.hautetfort.com

Écrit par : Etienne | 30/09/2006

tks for the comment and for the link etienne i'm going to read it as i finish to read all u posted here lol
and thanks for all the nice things u said to me too :-) u know what i think :-)

Écrit par : cervelle hachée | 30/09/2006

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